once again, i got wasted.
this time i fell and rolled down the stairs while going home.
it hurts like fuck. don't feel like moving a lot.


I am slow, maybe slightly faster things won't be what it is now.
at that time if i did it again, maybe things won't be what it is now.
me, myself and I to blame.
I really wish there is a turning point for us, right until now I am still not giving up.
no matter what happens to me, i still not giving up.
it may be the darkest moment, maybe i'll see light again or maybe not.

count myself stupid? or unlucky?

people are stopping me to do what i want.
but i just can't stop simply because i love you so much.
if i can't be with you, i'll be your guardian angel.
life is getting better i guess.

friends are my best support now, can't wait for my parents to be back.
first time i really want to talk to my parents. i think this time they can really enlighten me.
HAPPY FATHER DAY! but you are now at london already, you all must be enjoying yourself there. :)
i wished you all are back here. the house is so quiet now!

there's nothing that i can do anymore.
now i am wishing you all the best. and i think you are starting to fall for him.
lesson learnt, a very painful lesson but i deserved it.
wish one day we could be back together, maybe not now maybe later. i love you!

i am so near to you, yet so far. the places we used to go, the bus stop i used to wait, the duck porridge we had, the reservoir we went, the place where we got together, the place where we exchange contact, the bus rides. these brought back all the sweet memories, but going to these places now is like a flashback. painful, but sweet memories i have. thinking why are you not beside me, and i felt really stupid. all i could say is Sorry baby! if we could ever get together again, i would do anything for you and i will always stay faithful to you. because i never want to lose you again!

for now, i'll just wait for you. i'll always be there when you need me.
i love you!

I have never felt like this before. This is the first time I felt so hurt, this is Karma, the retribution i'm getting.

No matter what I say, it doesn't matters you anymore so what else can I say?
No matter what I do, it doesn't touch your heart anymore so what else can I do?

Infinite happy moments are always being destroyed by 1 bad moment. Who can I blame but myself? This bad moment now is not about me cheating on her, just the pressure that she felt and the unnecessary reactions, behaviours and thinkings of mine. It all happened too fast, and I can't take the blow.

Getting wasted most of the time now, hiding under my blanket sobbing through the night, mind never stops thinking about you. This is the Aldrin for the past week. Thought things will get better but no, things have changed 360 degrees, and now i'm in hell.

I love you so much now that I can't bear to let you go, but you let me go. I tried to hold on to you but you swung me away. Now you are telling me you are trying to date another person and hope we are still friends, isn't this too fast? Isn't this what I did in the past? Now I believe what you said "what you do is what you reciprocate."

Am I trying to be nice to let you go just like that? Or I love you so much that I don't want to hurt you anymore, but hope the next guy would love you more than I do? I think I just want to see you happy, and if the other guy can make you more happy than I do then that's good for you, but i hope you two will work things out well. I will give you my blessings.

I am very confused now!! I want you, but i'm letting you go. But I don't bear to let you go either. I'm stuck in the middle!

Everything that I have done in the past, I have reflected on it as you told me the other time. I really did reflect on it, and now when i'm trying to make things right you kicked me down. I know what I have done, I know how much pain I have caused on you. I don't know what I can say or do anymore, you seem to make up your mind already. I still love you, more than I do in the past. I wished to hold your hands once more and never let you go, but I guess this will only happen in my dreams from now on.

If what you are doing now is to spite me, I won't blame you. If what you want is to see how I react or behave, this is how I react and behave. I'm not lying or acting, this is who I am now. This is how I really feel, and what I want to let you know.

Every happy moments together, bad times together I still remember. I am very happy to be with you and we have known each other more than 2 years. We both know each other very well, too well to be together I guessed. No words can make you change your decision, maybe my sincerity now might touch the heart that I have broke many times. I will wait for you, I will be there for you when you need someone to accompany you. I will wait till the day that the girl I love the most say to me "I love you". Believe me or not.

Lastly, I wish you all the best. Excel in your studies, stop getting injuries, less family problems, wake up on time. I won't be able to study with you anymore, I won't be able to take care of you or massage for you, I won't be able to listen to your problems, I won't be able to wake you up anymore. Please take extra care of yourself, remember to eat your meals, get sufficient rest. There will not be anyone so naggy like me to keep nagging at you anymore.

I miss you!
I love you always!

Aldrin